Thursday, March 3, 2011


*Red Alarm Lights blink to life.

*Deep, Echoing Sirens pound against the eardrum.

*A Computerized Woman's Voice calmly repeats,


 The Nerds have had their revenge.  The fight for equality, which gained strength in the 80's has come to an outright measurable victory for the Nerd Community. Today, many are self-proclaimed, proud-to-be "Nerds", but one sub-group of the 80's movement stands firm, yet disturbingly so,  in the hierarchy of the Nerd Community. Gamers.

What brought this group to the forefront of the awkward, introverted and sometimes a-sexual revolution? Video Games, microchips, fantasy, floppy disks and above all Braaaainz! We have to admit, as far as tech is concerned, the Nerds rule the world! Bill Gates, Steve Jobs,  Marc Zuckerberg, and  Larry Page, just to name a few, are within the collective leadership of this global power and we owe them Big Time! Just as James Brown is the godfather of Soul music, so too are Nolan Bushnell and Ted Dabney the godfathers of gaming; Atari, the first effective offensive in the war against mainstream normalcy.

Cell phones (smart or dumb), ATM cards,  FaceBook, Google, YouTube, Pandora, XBOX, WII, E-Mail, Solar Power, Hybrids, GPS and many other tech devices are the 'calling cards' of the once taunted and abused community. Wherever humanity thrives "Nerd Tracks" can be found.

Once driven into hiding and pushed to the brink of extinction the Nerd has become a mainstream player demanding respect and acceptance.  No longer are 'grundies', 'noogies' and locker imprisonments accepted as an appropriate social greeting for "Nerds". 

Gamers, the offspring of the 80's hard-drive-soddering, binary-code-writing Nerds, now represent the largest proportion of the Nerd population.  Whether one has an actual gaming system, a PC or a smart phone doesn't matter. Gamers, highly or lightly active, come in many shapes, ages and sizes and have access to games at anytime during the day. World of WarCraft or  Words With Friends, if you play a tech game multiple times during the week and avoid other tasks such as work responsibilities, eating, bathroom breaks, sex, sleeping and talking to 'friends', then you are becoming a Gamer Nerd.
When you play, the Nerds win.

Well, based on results, the Nerds have already won and have fully taken over.  Look to the picture on the left, you're there somewhere, or you soon will be.

Don't panic!  Most of you will only morph slightly. In essence, you will become a 'volunteer' or a 'part-time' gamer, occasionally staring at your screen and forgetting to feed your 8 month old child. Only when one becomes a 'full-time' gamer aka addict will an intervention be necessary. However, be certain that if you become a "full-timer",  MTV will be there to document your family's enduring battle to save you from fusing to the couch and living a life of sexual solitaire where you're addicted to games with attractive avatars who fill your every fantasy. The young man in the center of the photo above is an a-sexual, "full-time" gamer.  The cape, wide eyes and lack of attention to the woman on the couch are strong indicators. However, his Avatar 'girlfriend' is named Zanadou and although she repeats the same statements as he repeatedly plays the game, he relishes in each and every word.  

To better help one recognize the signs and symptoms of a "full-time" gamer watch the following videos.
"MTV True Life: I'm a Gamer".

It is clear, at least for me, why so many minds fall to the pleasures of gaming. Introverts have found a medium in which to express themselves and bond to others. No longer are they limited to face-to-face interactions over an actual Dungeons and Dragons board game, which forces them to speak to actual people. They now have the opportunity to live their lives through a second identity of an avatar. They can become who they always wanted to be, such as a 14 foot tall, blue, jungle warrior with curves named Natasha.

Many gamers who were once chastised for their lack of physical skill and coordination are now as agile and competent as any pro-basketball player, NASCAR driver, medieval night or MMA fighter. Gamers can compete in multiple arenas such as sports, martial arts, dance and so on with exceptional accuracy and success. Dreams...and revenge do come to fruition as long as you shut your doors, own a monitor and can coordinate your eyes and hands. Who needs the Marines when you have military-gamers manning drones from thousands of miles away. Hooorah! Payton Manning, BJ Pen, Danica Patrick, your days are numbered. Once the Nerd Community can create actual AI in a physical avatar the revolution will be complete.

 Others fall into gaming addiction because it allows them to avoid or further resist their actual responsibilities. Who needs good hygiene? Why do I want to spend hours trying to figure out and support my significant other?  Call my I know them? Work? Whatever!  Gamers are escapists.  Esthetic pleasures are a waste of time. A t.v., electricity, some games, a seat of some type and another gamer to put food in your mouth and to change your bed pan once in awhile is all you require.

Just because you think you are at the "volunteer" gamers status, don't allow yourself to maintain a false sense of security. No one every picked up a beer or a crack pipe and hoped to become an addict. The Nerd Community, in its desire to overrun the world recognizes the strategic value of a slow, progressive movement. Too fast and people will start to recognize what is actually occurring. Its like the old adage,

"If you drop a frog in a pot of boiling water with an XBOX 360, it will of course frantically try to clamber out. But if you place it gently in a pot of tepid water and turn on Plants Vs. Zombies, it will float there quite placidly enjoying the multiple pea shooters and dancing Elvis Zombies. As the water gradually heats up, the frog will sink into a tranquil stupor, exactly like one of us in a hot bath, and before long, with a smile on its face, it will unresistingly allow itself to be boiled to death." wikipedia

 So, if you find yourself walking along a busy street, unaware of the world passing you by while mesmerized by a friendly game of Angry Birds, Beware!   Beware if you began to play "Words With Friends" against one other person, but now you realize you have five or more games going on at once. If you have played "FarmVille" and now consider yourself a farmer who needs others to water your cyber crop, Beware! If you find that your social arena is FaceBook and that your only wall posts are from yourself, Beware!  You are standing on a slippery slope with a beer in one hand and a crack pipe in the other.  

Articles for addicts or those concerned: 

To ZOmbie or Not to ZomBie?  
Its a slippery slope for certain.  As much as I like video games and see the potential in our technological devices, and as much as I like laughing at the seriousness gamers maintain while playing 'games', I also recognize the symptoms of ZOmbification.  However, GAmbies (Gamer ZOmbies) are not after Braaainz. Caution must be taken however, although GAmbies do not want to eat your braaaainz, they do want to play videeeeeo gaaaames. So, if you in anyway interrupt them, they are likely to crush your brain with the game controller; that is of course if their bodies have not atrophied and they can still get off the couch.  

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